Knowing that you love someone reminds you to stick it out. Sometimes, it's difficult to find a reason to come back when you left. Whatever the case may be, come back, talk it out. In your case, listen, take it in, and reason it out. You can say your peace, but at the appropriate time (whenever that may be), then get over it.
Get over it. Leave it in the past, as best as you can, but leave it where it lay!
That goes for both parties
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
small issues vs. the BIG CONFLICTS
In relationships, particularly marriage, there are many times, we as men, just don't want to argue...discuss...frankly talk. But, we need to. Learning the little that I have, I've learned that it's better to deal with the small problems...while they're small. Instead of waiting until they've become big problems to her because she's tried to discuss them or hint at you about talking. We as man, have to learn that a lil' bit goes a long way.
In our house, we call it checking in. We have to check in with each other because I don't know where she is in her mind. A woman's mind is unexplainable. Her thought could range from why she feels the way she feels, to why she can't seem to lose weight, to why the kids lunches were fixed by 7am. You just don't know! This I can say is that it let's her know that you she's important to you. She didn't have to ask you to listen, you wanted to and for that she's more open to you.
She might not just come out and say exactly what's on her mind, but you gotta' know your woman. Some women, like to dance around the situations, you just have to dance with them so that they know you're serious about checking in. So do it at least once a day, take time for her and she'll respond to you as well.
In our house, we call it checking in. We have to check in with each other because I don't know where she is in her mind. A woman's mind is unexplainable. Her thought could range from why she feels the way she feels, to why she can't seem to lose weight, to why the kids lunches were fixed by 7am. You just don't know! This I can say is that it let's her know that you she's important to you. She didn't have to ask you to listen, you wanted to and for that she's more open to you.
She might not just come out and say exactly what's on her mind, but you gotta' know your woman. Some women, like to dance around the situations, you just have to dance with them so that they know you're serious about checking in. So do it at least once a day, take time for her and she'll respond to you as well.
The Corner
One of the ups about being married to your best friend is that she's there. IF she's a good woman, she's there. IF she's not there, she's still a good woman who hasn't gotten there yet. It's something about having that person in your corner that gives you a charge to get you up and face whatever you are facing.
In my short time of marriage, a lot of times we could spend more time battling with each other than against the world. In some cases, this may prove to be more true than not. But, we have to stop, and get to the point to where we understand that we shouldn't be fighting against each other. Those lil' disagreements where you have to be right, or she has to be wrong, has a major negative effect on the relationship.
Learning to work together, in my opinion isn't always difficult, but learning how to operate as one, not there is a difficulty. Whenever you take 2 things and make them one, its a process. So don't forget, and I'm reminding myself too, that it's a lifetime commitment and the journey is rewarding....even in the corner.
In my short time of marriage, a lot of times we could spend more time battling with each other than against the world. In some cases, this may prove to be more true than not. But, we have to stop, and get to the point to where we understand that we shouldn't be fighting against each other. Those lil' disagreements where you have to be right, or she has to be wrong, has a major negative effect on the relationship.
Learning to work together, in my opinion isn't always difficult, but learning how to operate as one, not there is a difficulty. Whenever you take 2 things and make them one, its a process. So don't forget, and I'm reminding myself too, that it's a lifetime commitment and the journey is rewarding....even in the corner.
Monday, March 7, 2011
when you don't know
Conversations can be long and drawn out. For some of us, the difficulty in keeping interest is an issue, for others it's trying not to look that way can be even harder. There's typically a time when she will hit you with a "what do you think". Here's a small tip...when you don't know what to say....don't say anything. If you can't really explain it or she wants an explanation...tell her you don't know what to say. This might take things in an entirely different section of the world, but, it's the truth. You might wanna follow up with why you don't know what to say. I add an "I don't know because there's just a lot going through my mind". In many cases, the more you talk, the more you confuse yourself. Remember, she's thought about it (sometimes more than you could think) and she's processed it. You don't always get that luxury. Also, she's not always speaking a language that we understand (I'll get into this later). So just put it out there. Come back to the conversation when you figure things out. By then, she's thought about it, but not as much. Once she's gotten her point across, she's goes into wondering about you. Some women don't go as far as that. But remember, when you don't know what to say, don't say anything or tell her exactly that!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
home is where you're nekkid
One of the best things about coming home is that it's a place where you can be "nekkid". In a sense physically, but more so as a person. The one thing about being "nekkid" is that it's who the realest version of you.
At home, when you're married, there's one person that you can be completely honest or "nekkid" with. My wife and I are best friends, but sometimes it's hard to be "nekkid" with her. Until we as men, understand that she's not there to judge or critical, we can become closer friends. Our wives want that, they want the parts of us that we've been reluctant to share with anyone else. They actually need it!
The closer a man is to his wife, the more she trusts and respects him. Those are two key things that we need. Why? Because if a woman can't trust you, then she will do her best to treat you like it. Even if there's a slight change in the trust, she will let you know! Nobody wants to live like that!
We also need respect! I believe that men who feel that their woman doesn't respect him hits her because he doesn't know of any other way to get respect quicker. That's not how things should be, but it's..in most cases of physical abuse....how they start.
Thus I say all that, to say this: Take care of Home! It's your sanctuary, not your battleground! Learn how to keep the peace and how to get it as well!
At home, when you're married, there's one person that you can be completely honest or "nekkid" with. My wife and I are best friends, but sometimes it's hard to be "nekkid" with her. Until we as men, understand that she's not there to judge or critical, we can become closer friends. Our wives want that, they want the parts of us that we've been reluctant to share with anyone else. They actually need it!
The closer a man is to his wife, the more she trusts and respects him. Those are two key things that we need. Why? Because if a woman can't trust you, then she will do her best to treat you like it. Even if there's a slight change in the trust, she will let you know! Nobody wants to live like that!
We also need respect! I believe that men who feel that their woman doesn't respect him hits her because he doesn't know of any other way to get respect quicker. That's not how things should be, but it's..in most cases of physical abuse....how they start.
Thus I say all that, to say this: Take care of Home! It's your sanctuary, not your battleground! Learn how to keep the peace and how to get it as well!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Her & her moods
In so many words or less...women are moody! The reason they are moody is because...that's just the way that they were wired. If I honestly knew the answer, I would tell everyone, but I only have a hypothesis. The reason that they are so moody is because of how they think. The world that's going on in her head, in some form or another, is a reflection of what's going on outside her head....not the case. We, as men, know that, but they don't. Their perception of what's going on is based on their thoughts.
I've noticed that my wife, has a moody day every 3-4 days. I've noticed it, written it down, monitored it, recorded it, analyzed it, hypothesized, everything. In short, just to keep it simple...every 3-4 days I can expect her to be in a mood and I not know why. It's life, women are just moody. I know I get what I expect, but I'm thinking that the moodiness may be a some law that can't be reversed. I could be wrong about the law, but as far as the moodiness...I don't think so.
In conclusion, all women are not created equal, but the problems and issues are! With a small exception of a few issues, typically, most married men have had some of the same or similar issues. Don't believe me, ask around!
I've noticed that my wife, has a moody day every 3-4 days. I've noticed it, written it down, monitored it, recorded it, analyzed it, hypothesized, everything. In short, just to keep it simple...every 3-4 days I can expect her to be in a mood and I not know why. It's life, women are just moody. I know I get what I expect, but I'm thinking that the moodiness may be a some law that can't be reversed. I could be wrong about the law, but as far as the moodiness...I don't think so.
In conclusion, all women are not created equal, but the problems and issues are! With a small exception of a few issues, typically, most married men have had some of the same or similar issues. Don't believe me, ask around!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
being sorry
Guys, no matter what you do. You will say you're sorry way more than a woman. I find that a lot of the time, we do mess up. The mess up comes from misunderstanding her. Sometime, we get mixed signals and when we think we understand....we don't. We don't know until we've done something wrong. It's almost like thinking you're doing good, when all in all, you're efforts are good, but your actions are crap! It happens to us all. Even if you're doing "good" in your eyes don't expect a pat on the back. It's not very likely to happen.
Another reason why you say "I'm sorry" more is because there are things that really don't matter...in your opinion. But to her, it makes her sleep better at night, knowing that she wasn't wrong. You will say "I'm sorry" to do her a favor and do you one. Saying it will also allow for there to be some peace. Once she believes that she's right, nothing else matters. The argument, conversation, discussion, is over. She may talk for a little while longer, but you don't have to say much. In fact, some people go into auto-pilot and just nod and not listen. To sum it up, it can keep the peace.
A major reason we say "I'm sorry" more than they do, is because you're always wrong. Even when you're right...your wrong. IF you don't believe me ask your father. Anyone who is married to a woman....you're wrong. I would also put Chris Rock down as a reference. Any stand up talking about marriage...he's spittin' the truth!
And thus..."I'm sorry" a common phrase, but women eventually get tired of the "I'm sorry"s I believe it's because they don't say it enough....even when they do...how quickly they forget! So make sure you throw in a: "I apologize, I was wrong" or a "You're right!" or a "I misjudged, I made a mistake". These are good too. Mix 'em up though.
Another reason why you say "I'm sorry" more is because there are things that really don't matter...in your opinion. But to her, it makes her sleep better at night, knowing that she wasn't wrong. You will say "I'm sorry" to do her a favor and do you one. Saying it will also allow for there to be some peace. Once she believes that she's right, nothing else matters. The argument, conversation, discussion, is over. She may talk for a little while longer, but you don't have to say much. In fact, some people go into auto-pilot and just nod and not listen. To sum it up, it can keep the peace.
A major reason we say "I'm sorry" more than they do, is because you're always wrong. Even when you're right...your wrong. IF you don't believe me ask your father. Anyone who is married to a woman....you're wrong. I would also put Chris Rock down as a reference. Any stand up talking about marriage...he's spittin' the truth!
And thus..."I'm sorry" a common phrase, but women eventually get tired of the "I'm sorry"s I believe it's because they don't say it enough....even when they do...how quickly they forget! So make sure you throw in a: "I apologize, I was wrong" or a "You're right!" or a "I misjudged, I made a mistake". These are good too. Mix 'em up though.
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