IN the game of marriage, I'm learning as a man that we weren't as prepared for the role of husband & father in comparison to our better halves. It's amazing that in many cases, women can complain that we, as men, need to learn how to be the head of the house. IN retrospect, the more difficult things for women to do is be quiet, let us lead, and listen. In my case, since we're both so young, I have the opportunity to learn really fast. It may seem like a long process, but in many cases...I learn fast....it's the application that takes time.
In my mind, no matter how I try to improve my efforts, I still need help. There are many places that we, as men, can turn to for help, but if we want the right kind of advice, we must be selective in our search. The 1st place is look is to ask my pastor. I'm not saying that he's the "perfect" person to counsel with, but he's definitely the closest. His wisdom and insight is a combination of experience, an unbiased view, and God's wisdom. For the beginning stages of our marriage, there's not much that he hasn't either done or encountered. In our walk of marriage, he's the person that points us back to God and the Lord does the rest.
A secondary source for me, is definitely a book. A little plug for "the Praying Husband" by Stormie Omartian, I've read the first 40 pages or so and I feel as though I'm enlightened. I now have more understanding of what I need to do and pray for as a praying husband. I love my wife...maybe not everything about her...but she compliments me! In the beginning stages of the book, the Author found out some of the root causes of her husbands behavior. His was related to his mother and how she treated him. It makes me think of the baggage I have.
The baggage....we all have it. The worst ones are the people who can't seem to realize that they have baggage and blame everyone else for being so"____________" ( you can fill in the blank). Bags come in all sizes, but sometimes the smallest bags have the most secret compartments. Its those compartments that we are reluctant to reveal that really have an effect on our lives, relationships, in my case marriage. It's to blame for a lot of the crap that we have lingering in us.
And this is where I insert a plug for counseling. It's what you make of it. Honesty is the best thing that you can put into it. It's worth more at that point because you counsel before marriage and in many cases a year or 2 later. A lot of guys fight it do to pride or fear, whatever. But me, I jumped into it because I know better. My dad and mom didn't get counseling and I've decided a long time ago that I didn't want anything like what they had.
Which leaves me to question, I want so much out of marriage, but what am I willing to give up? That's the question that we forget to ask ourselves in counseling, at the altar, a year into it. We forget that it's give and give and give a lil more....not just on the man's end, but it's a shared thing. I thought it was give and take, but you have to give 2 or 3xs more in many cases than what you take.
Ponder it....am I right...is there any truth in what I'm saying....I whole heartedly believe so
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