When we get married, for some of us, it's exactly like we dream. Birds singing softly in the background every time you think of her. You get butterflies in your stomach, your speech is disoriented, you are just so in love. So you decide that this is the one and you proceed further with marriage. The big day is just like you pictured it: 75 degree weather, sunny, not a cloud in sight. Nothing major goes wrong outside of that one relative that is always in a different state at events like this. You see her, she brings tears to your eyes while you smile. The birds haven't stopped singing and your heart is overjoyed. A perfect warm spring day with lots of gifts, love, dancing, and laughter.
After that period is over, it ranges for everyone, you come down. For the first few years, many vets who've been married for at least 5 years call this the honeymoon stage. On my end, things went a little different. It's all good, because people have different experiences. Now, here is where the reality sets in:
Everything was so perfect during that day, that week, that first year, but what happened? There are times where you feel as if you both don't know each other. The small things seem big, the bigger things seem so important and complex, you don't know what to do or even how to handle a situation. You feel you don't understand what's going on in your own house or spouse.
When this happens, reality has set in. Now the high is warn off and life is staring you in the face asking if you got the munchies cause it has plenty for you to chew on. When you find yourself questioning who that person is laying next to you and why is she so different....stop and think for a second.
You can't prepare for this any sooner than you say "I do". But here's the focal point....it's YOU. It's now your job to make her feel as if she's the most important person in life...yep...even more important than you. So with that being said, finding a balance between her needs and your needs, with the emphasis on her needs as more important. IF you don't, it will disrupt the happiness of your marriage. It's a quick way to shut down the fun in the relationship.
You can do this by communicating more and really listening. Not the kind we normally do, where she talks, you hear words, throw some head nods and um hums in there and you walk away wondering what it was all about, but "glad that it's over" type deal. They need us to listen cause we communicate so different and frankly we have a hard time understanding each other. So yeah, when the fairy tale is over, roll up the sleeves cause it's time to put in work!
Another thing you could do is show her that you want her to be your number one. She will support you if she feels reciprocation. If she's a great woman like mine, she'll support you even when she doesn't feel it from your end. You gotta' have some actions to back up your words. IF you don't, your words will be like a cheap perfume: smells great for a minute, but once you leave the house, the smell continuously becomes forgotten. ACTIONS that line up with your WORDS. That's where the work comes in too.
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